This week's lecture ended with Dr Deng asking if any of us ever complimented our parents, which made me realised that I probably complimented my friends more than I have ever complimented my parents, even though I know my parents much longer than my friends.
I think we dish out compliments in different forms for different people.
Here are my personal experiences for comparison. When I have had a really good dinner at my grandmother's place, I would probably tell her (in Hokkien) after the meal that "I am so full.", showing that I have eaten a lot because the food she cooked is really good. However, at a potluck dinner with my friends, we simply and directly tell each other (in English) that the food that we each brought to the potluck tastes really good.
I think this difference stems from the way we were brought up in our families. Being Asian, compliments are not part of our daily conversation, so when we do want to compliment our family, we have to do so indirectly, and yet at the same time still keep to our cultural norms of being scant with compliments. However, with friends, we are accustomed to the way of the English speaking, and thus compliments just flow easily.
This was also mentioned in lecture, whether our teachers complimented us when we were in school. Come to think of it, in primary school, if I had did my homework or tests well, my English speaking teachers would always leave a comment on my assignment, such as "Excellent work, Eileen. Keep up the good work!", or " Well done!", but I don't ever remember my Chinese teachers ever doing such things. Even if I scored 100% for "Ting Xie" (spelling test), there would be nothing written on my script except for the test score and a stamp asking for parent's signature. =(
I think this really reflects the dichotomous culture practices that we have in Singapore. I am not sure how generous the Malay or Tamil teachers are with their compliments though. =)
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Good reflections on the different ways we show our gratitude to different people as well as on
ReplyDeletethe different comments that teachers of different subjects gave us. How about parents? What comments did they give you when you had done well in tests and homework?
oh i did get stickers and stationary gifts and all from my chinese teachers (pri and sec), once she commented me on my huge improvement for one of the tests, i think for some, they do give credit when they are due but i agree with you, english speaking teachers are more generous with their praises =)
ReplyDeleteI think whatever you've written reflects the life of a typical MOE-schooled kid. We do get stickers blasting 'GOOD EFFORT' on our scripts, but spoken complements are still quite rare. My memory of MOE teachers are more reflective of the penalty culture though. Chinese teachers especially have the flair for sarcasm with words like 'YES GOOD JOB, CONTINUE LIKE THIS AND GET A D7' or 'GO BACK TO KINDERGARTEN' LOL
ReplyDeleteohh, i had this exp too, like yi wen, my maths teacher was always raining abuses at us, like ranking us who had failed a-maths and telling us, like 39/100, "so clever, u got 2 marks better than so and so and you're 11 marks away from passing"
ReplyDeletemy little cousin (in lower sec sch) once complained; when he did badly in sch, my uncle would scold him, but when he did well, nothing came out of my uncle's mouth..
ReplyDeletenow thinking abt it, i do realise we don't compliment our family members much even tho they long (and sometimes well deserve) to be complimented. i agree that it might be due to our asian roots; we're more subtle and sometimes express ourselves in ways other than words.
in case of my cousin, he does get special gifts and stuff from my uncle whenever he performs particularly well. just don't expect compliments.